Ranking of Star Signs Based on their Fortunes, from Most Fortunate to Least Fortunate


You have extended periods of terrible luck followed by good luck. You must endure poor streaks and capitalize on favorable ones. Realize you can't control everything and shouldn't obsess about it. Instead, plant seeds for a brighter future peacefully, and they will flourish without luck.


Family and work have been good to you. You're also lucky that you look better than your family and coworkers. Your love life is only awful because you constantly choose the jerk over the lovely man. Choose the polite guy next time to increase your list position to #1.


I can't believe it. Your birth sign, gloomy cloud, and unbreakable hex seem unlucky. And if you get lucky, you'll ruin it. Rejecting poor luck might help you overcome it. Know what you can change and what you can't, a wise saint implored. Don't alter poor luck; change everything else. 


Planning beforehand boosts "luck"? Hint: Separate bad luck from bad decisions. Uncontrollable events include death, job loss, and a bad winter. Unlucky. Concentrate on excellent decisions. If you can't make good decisions, befriend the wisest person you know. The best option is that.


You were sunborn. Good looks, confidence, and sex appeal came from your yin-yang. If Las Vegas was your next vacation spot, you'd probably leave with everything. Your only issue is occasionally not looking where you're walking.


You're doubly and triply blessed with angels in crisp business suits and stylish sunglasses as your security force. Even if things go awry, it's a narrative twist and will work out. Giving others a little luck is the best thing you can do for the planet and yourself.


Your procession is always rained on. Sunlight seems impossible for months. Sometimes you decide that the best thing you can do is shrug and learn to appreciate the rain, maybe allow the pleasant pitter-patter noises help you go asleep and forget your terrible luck. A rainbow appears unexpectedly.


You find $100 bills on sidewalks. The only one who finds a four-leaf clover while tiptoeing across spring meadows with your friends is you. Failure is only possible if you neglect your needs and rely on chance. Take luck seriously. Givers can also take. Good luck—even for you—ends. Be grateful.


Dear butterfly, life has been unjust to you. You got a poor hand. Life has dealt you some major curveballs, so you may feel paranoid. At least adversity builds character, right? You're the most likely sign to make lemonade from lemons.


Every dice throw yields snake eyes. Blackjack always yields 22. Always draw 13 while receiving lottery numbers. It's usually darkest before the morning, so be hopeful. Current time for your life is 4AM. Roll over, sleep two more hours, and wake up to a better existence. I swear.


Despite all the bad luck, your stubbornness is good luck. It's said that what doesn't kill you makes you a badass. Despite the world's opposition, you hope one person is on your side. You know? Correct. Someone is there. Find and keep that person.


The wind blows both ways for you. You have great love luck but terrible financial luck. Even if you're alone or in a bad relationship, don't worry about love—someone better is coming.

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